its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
