He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
