..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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