Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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