They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
