wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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