Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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