This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
