I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
