so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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