we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
