i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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