Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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