Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
