I faked an abortion last night.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
