I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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