I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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