the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
