Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
