I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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