We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
