Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
