Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
