Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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