I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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