Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
