I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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