Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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