Just mADE A PArabola og urine
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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