I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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