I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
