when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
