He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
