this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
