My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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