i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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