So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
