Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
