I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
