it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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