Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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