I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
