she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
