Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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