I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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