why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A+ Viking dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
