i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
