I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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