It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will be naked everywhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
