I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They have beer where we have blood.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
