Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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