You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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