your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
