who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
