Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
